Stuck in a crossroad, no left no right.

This season had really make me go crazy. It kills me with those dilemmas going on. I've always been trying very hard to make a decision, which is positive on both sides. But it seems to me now that i won't be able to do it. Why in the first place should be so stubborn and try to multi tasked? Why didn't i just give on in the first place, and i wouldn't have suffered so much?

It's the start of the holidays, and soon after 3wks, it'll mark the end of my 2nd year in RP. I'll then be moving to my final year, and it's not something that can be joke about. I don't want to ruin my future, when i can actually take control of it. So now, i'm really deciding to quit it, and spend more time on lifesaving. I've seen results, and it's a place where merit place a parts and not biasness. I've alr put myself to suffer this 2 years, tell me what's something i can hold on to? I don't see any light from continuing, bcus i'll see myself suffering even more in the future.

It sucks when people don't preach what they say. Over and over again, i try maintain a positive thinking. But tell me what's the point when, ppl alr see you as such a loser in the team? When people in the team don't even mingle and talk properly? They smile and talk nicely infront of you, and the next mintue they start firing guns and swords at you like nobody business.

Perhaps i should go back to where i belong, the water and not the land.